Without you.

I can't forget this morning
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes
Your sorrow shows, yes it shows
No I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrows
When I had you there then I let you go
And now it's only fair that I should let you know
What you should know
I can't live, if living is without you
I can't give, I can't give anymore

Please come back will you?

The time will come

Dear blog,

When Im on the way to school, I saw someone, that someone reminds me so much of my grandma. That someone board the bus, head full of big bag of vegetables. She gave her heart, to her family like how my grandma did.

I never have any regrets in my life, only for one. The one that I can never undo. The one that I regreted so deeply in my heart. The one that I never see her having a impact in my life. The one that leaves and I know she will never come back.

The tears start to tear in my eyes. I miss her since 6 Apr. I wanted so much to see her. But I know I will never comes true.

A few days more to Christmas. A celebration waiting for us. I want to share the joy with you. But can you feel it? I want to share the new year joy with you. But can you feel it?

I promise I will treat you better.
I promise whatever I do, I will think of you.
I promise I will hold your hands and let you feel secure.
I promise everything, everything just for you to be back.

Please come back, will you?

PS: I miss you terribly, grandma.

I miss you more

I miss you,
I miss you more than word shows.
I love you,
I love you more than my heart shows.

I miss you like crazy.

Post - Grandmas

Dear God..

A lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find
While I recall all the words you spoke to me
Can't help but wish that I was there
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah
Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again oh no
Once againThere's nothing here for me on this barren road
There's no one here while the city sleepsAnd all the shops are closed
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah
Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again oh no
Once againSome search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste awayI found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish waysAnd how I miss someone to hold
When hope begins to fadeA lonely road, crossed another cold state line
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find
Dear God, the only thing I ask of you
Is to hold her when I'm not around, when I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her and now I wish I'd stayed
Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired, I'm missing you again oh no
Once again

It's something more than saying "I miss you"

You never let us know it, you never let it show.
Be cos you love us and obviously there's so much more left to say.
If you were with us today, face to face.

I never know I could hurt like this.
And everyday life goes on like..
I wish I could talk to you for awhile.
I wish I could find a way try not to cry.

Soon, you reached a better place.
Still I will give the whole world to see your face.
And I'm bragging next to you.
It feels like you gone too soon.
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye.

You never got the chance to see how good I've done.
I remember when u used to tuck me in at night.
I thought you were so strong that you can make it through whatever.
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever.


I miss you, dearest grandma.

1 year

Suck! I have been so sick for the previous few days. My body has been aching so badly, and i longs for my bed.

6 april, the day my grandma passed away. Its 2010. Its been 1 year ever since grandma passed away. There is a wake held opp my block. It reminds me so much of my grandma. The chanting. The praying. The burning. Everything. During that few days, i tend to peeek out to my window to look at the wake just to hold the memory of my grandma. I know i will never see her again. No matter how badly i wanted. Its been 365 days. But yet, things still holds dearly in my heart.

I miss you so much, grandma.

What am i thinking

While I am still mourning the loss of the person on whom I have bestowed my dearest love, I am rejoicing to meet you behind the veil. Your death left a heartache no one could heal, but your love left a memory no one could ever steal. You still cross my mind every now and then. And there are so many things that I wanna share with you. I really miss you. And your smile, which I have loved long since and lost awhile.

If I could just see you, everything will be alright. If I’d see you this darkness will turn to light.
And I will walk on water. And you will catch me if I fall. And I will get lost into your eyes. And everything will be alright. I know everything is alright.

Shagged?

Dear blog,

I have started my school while some of my classmates are still having ur holidays. Be cos
I started my final year project first! (FYP) So shitty. Monday-Thurs: 830am-6pm.
Fri: 830am-530pm. Im seeing the freaking computer for more than 8 hours PER DAY! Its
only 4 days since the start of school, and Im already counting down the weeks. After 3 months of
FYP, Im going to have 3 months of attachment. I wonder what company I will be attached to.
Shit! Hmm, Sat is coming. Im SO looking forward to it. Cos Im SHITTY tired! (:

Im having dinner with george tonight, cos home is not cooking as parents is going to younger
sister school for parents meeting session. WTH?!

Well, yesterday mommy was searching her cupboard for dont know what thing, when she took out a file from her messy cupboard. The file contains GRANDMA (Mom's Mother) picture with all grandma's funeral stuffs inside. Mommy look at her picture for a very long time. I know for that moment of time, she is VERY VERY UPSET and I know she MISS HER VERY VERY MUCH. Well, what can i say? I cant change the fact that she is gone. I still have flashback whenever we have gathering with her around.

I FREAKING MISS GRANDMA! ):

Its been a while...

Ok, let me settle down to blog...

Today have to hand up my school SACP Project, and I really have to push all my team mates. They have bloody waste my time.

Chinese New Year its coming. I dont know its a joyful or upset occassion for us. Joyful because its CHINESE NEW YEAR! Upset because both is gone from our life.

Its been less than 1 month since ah ma is gone. Everything is still in my mind. All the good and bad. I dont like seeing her suffer, it makes me more upset seeing her suffer at this age. I dont care what bad she have done in the past. Its the past. She is my ah ma. I love you so much. No longer can I help her massage her legs nor hands. I miss her so much... This is life. Love it and take it or get away with it.

My Bloody school atachment result will be out next week probably? Hmm, fcuk!

Unforgettable

Its been almost 6 days since my ah ma is gone. And its gonna be 1 year since my grandma was gone. I can barely breathe. I can never forget how both grandmas brought me up. I can never forget the scene that happens duing that 5 days. All the shits are running through my mind/heart. And it really really hurts so much, that I hope I wasnt in this world.

Oh my! How could we ever get this far? How could we settle down? I know my parents hurts so much more than the kids. I cant be that pillar that stand by them. I know how it hurts to lose a mother. I never wish that this kind of things would happen. I really hope both Grandmas is now with grandfather happily enjoying themselves.

Life is very fragile. Cherish them before they're gone.

I love grandmas.

The Past

Now that u're gone..what more can I do? It hurts so much. So much to know that u're suffering. You suffered more than 6 years. My heart sank totally. Though I have already prepared my heart, but that day when I receive my uncle's call I know that my heart is just deceiving me. I couldnt make it when we reach. She was gone on 16Jan 1:10am. Yesterday is her body was cremetated. Grandma is gone. Gone forever. She will not be back. She will not be back to remember who I am. I remember the time when I always went to visit you in Queenstown. I always buy your favourite food from the market below. I always buy fish porridge for you and laksa for myself. You will always look at the laksa I ate, I knew u wanted to eat. But you cant. For the past years, u stop eating. You shift to TUAS. I vist u lesser when each day pass. I couldnt buy ur favourite food, I couldnt hold u to the toilet. I couldnt tell u what the time was. I couldnt massage ur leg. I couldnt sit beside u and talk u. Life is always like a bitch.

2 blows in a year. Hell with life.
I hope both grandmas is doing well. Really well. I love you grandma.

Down

Both gone.. Life is shity. The tune keeps repeating in my mind. Everything keeps running through my mind. I dont know how to stop myself. I dont know how to stop the hurt. I dont know how to console my parents. I dont know how to keep our family going. I know all this hurts so badly.