This is the first time i choose to blog, partly becos i want to pin down all my thoughts. And be cos I couldnt let it go, that easily. Its been almost 2months since my beloved ah ma pass away. To be exact it is 388days.
Having projects and exams piling up, the thought of my beloved ah ma makes me cool down. I have been so guilty all this while, be cos when ever my beloved ah ma come to our house, i will be reluctant to let her sleep in my room. A little be cos i will not be confortable to sleep in other people's bed. Yes, i admit, i may not be a good grandchild. Whenever she comes over to visit us, i will give her the best food we have in the house to let her consume. She will insist not to eat and let us eat, and i tend to shout to her "Ah ma, eat! We have our food. You eat yours." Im so sorry ah ma to shout to u in the past. Thought it maybe late to say all this now..but I know my beloved ah ma will know what i want to say to her.
This few days, i missed her extra much. I cried silently in the dark, saying, "why must u go". I couldnt see my beloved ahma for the last time and this really dishearted me. I didnt get the chance to speack to her at all. I really wish i could dream of my beloved ah ma when Im asleep. I wish to tell her how much I miss you. And tell her millions and millions of thank you for bringing me up and giving her the best to us.
You all just couldnt believe how this heart of mine keeps telling me "Your ah ma is gone forever". I feel so hurt, not be cos I didnt treat her well but hurt be cos I didnt spent much time with her be cos of my busy days in school. Flash back keeps coming back to me during the 5days of funeral. How the people close the coffine, how we see ah ma for the very last time. I could see all my relatives being so sad. My mom, dad, cousins all.
We just couldnt believe all this could happen so soon. I know I have to let it go someday.
But still ah ma, I miss you so much. And I love u so much so much! (:
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