Since like its yesterday since you're gone. If only I know what I know today. I would hold
you in my arms, I'll take away your pain. Thank you for all you've done. There's nothing
I can do, to hear your voice again. Sometimes, I want to call you, but I know you wouldnt
be there. Im sorry for everything that I've done, I blame myself. Its so hard to even say a
goodbye. Would you tell me I was wrong, are you proud to have me as one of your grand-
children? I will do anything just to have one more chance, to look into your eyes, and yours
into mine. If I could see you one more day, I will tell you how much I miss you since you
were gone. Your heart is always with me.
When you've to look away, when you dont have much to say,
Thats when I love you, I love you just that way.
To hear you stumble when you speak, to see you when you walk,
Thats when I love you, I love you endlessly.
When you're mad be cos we dont listen,
Thats when I love you, I love you anyway.
When you talk to us about the drama you love,
Thats when I love you, I love you more than you know.
The more I learnt, the more I lost, the more my heart cant give enough,
Thats when I love you, I love you no matter what.
When you turn to hide your eyes becos you know you cant make it far,
Thats when I love you, I love you a little more each time.
Grandma, I cant forget you, I miss you, and there's nothing you can change my mine.
I cant say goodbye to you. Be cos I want to see you more each day..
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
6th April, the day I will never forget at all.
Tomorrow will be 6th Jan 2010. And its the day grandma has been away for 9 months.
6 april, 4 days after my birthday, i receive a very bad present. A present that I will never forget and give away. She pass away on that very day. I want to know how my grandma would me. Will i be happy just to see her for 1 min? I dont think so. Im a very greedy person. I want to see her forever. 1 min is NEVER enough for me. Or should I say for us, the whole TAN family?
9 months..yet I remeber all the things clearly in my mind. Not a single thing missed!
Should I say Im very lucky? Be cos I have my parents with me, be cos I have him, be cos I have everyone to care for. I must always tell myself that grandma is no longer with us, we can no longer see her. She is with THE LORD. She is happy there. She is no longer suffering. She is with grandpa.
6 april, 4 days after my birthday, i receive a very bad present. A present that I will never forget and give away. She pass away on that very day. I want to know how my grandma would me. Will i be happy just to see her for 1 min? I dont think so. Im a very greedy person. I want to see her forever. 1 min is NEVER enough for me. Or should I say for us, the whole TAN family?
9 months..yet I remeber all the things clearly in my mind. Not a single thing missed!
Should I say Im very lucky? Be cos I have my parents with me, be cos I have him, be cos I have everyone to care for. I must always tell myself that grandma is no longer with us, we can no longer see her. She is with THE LORD. She is happy there. She is no longer suffering. She is with grandpa.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Drained..
This week has been a bitch week for me! I have 4 tests in a freaking week. And I can barely breath. Today is only wed, and I have 1 more paper to go on fri. How bitch can this be.
I merly slept only 5hrs each day. I dragged myself out to bed every morning. How I wish there is total of 32 hours in a day. 24 hours at night, and 8 hours in the morning. I have been studing like a mad dog, and sleeping like a pig. What can I say? Studying is really not my cup of tea!!
I couldnt wait for my sch 2 weeks break. Though is 2 weeks, but so what. I got to rest, and i couldnt ask for anything more.
I couldnt wait for this weekend, my family gathering, CHALET!! But what can I say, the following Monday I have a test AGAIN! I bad can studying be? Ask me! :)
Have shift back to my house. Things are still left undone. Rooms' cupboard, kitchen cupboard, feature wall, tv console. Shit you, Alan Leow! For such a slow work.
Mom sprain her back while shifting the stuffs back. Dear Lord, please bless mommy to recover faster. Please give her the wisdom to do all things successfully. I love you, dear mom!
4 more months is already a yr since grandma is gone. Its seems like yesterday. Those who had encounter this type of things should know. Its going to be 2010, a new yr without grandma. I must say that our 3 tan family is very brave. We held each other tight, console each other. We know that things have been better of us. Everyone's heart really have a place for grandma. I realise the feeling of missing grandma has become numb. Not in the way that I dont miss her but in a way that when I miss her, that very day will keep appearing in my mind. I rember that day, when its my turn to stroke grandma's forehead..I keep telling grandma "ah ma pls dont go. pls ah ma. give us miricle" I still ask sister to ask the doctor when wil grandma be awake when I know it wont. Ha! What a fool I am. But my words still fail, grandma still pass away. The lord has bring her to a wonderful place where we can no longer see her..
Be cos of you, I have been a whole. Thank you for standing by me. Thank you for enduring my temper =)
I merly slept only 5hrs each day. I dragged myself out to bed every morning. How I wish there is total of 32 hours in a day. 24 hours at night, and 8 hours in the morning. I have been studing like a mad dog, and sleeping like a pig. What can I say? Studying is really not my cup of tea!!
I couldnt wait for my sch 2 weeks break. Though is 2 weeks, but so what. I got to rest, and i couldnt ask for anything more.
I couldnt wait for this weekend, my family gathering, CHALET!! But what can I say, the following Monday I have a test AGAIN! I bad can studying be? Ask me! :)
Have shift back to my house. Things are still left undone. Rooms' cupboard, kitchen cupboard, feature wall, tv console. Shit you, Alan Leow! For such a slow work.
Mom sprain her back while shifting the stuffs back. Dear Lord, please bless mommy to recover faster. Please give her the wisdom to do all things successfully. I love you, dear mom!
4 more months is already a yr since grandma is gone. Its seems like yesterday. Those who had encounter this type of things should know. Its going to be 2010, a new yr without grandma. I must say that our 3 tan family is very brave. We held each other tight, console each other. We know that things have been better of us. Everyone's heart really have a place for grandma. I realise the feeling of missing grandma has become numb. Not in the way that I dont miss her but in a way that when I miss her, that very day will keep appearing in my mind. I rember that day, when its my turn to stroke grandma's forehead..I keep telling grandma "ah ma pls dont go. pls ah ma. give us miricle" I still ask sister to ask the doctor when wil grandma be awake when I know it wont. Ha! What a fool I am. But my words still fail, grandma still pass away. The lord has bring her to a wonderful place where we can no longer see her..
Be cos of you, I have been a whole. Thank you for standing by me. Thank you for enduring my temper =)
Thursday, November 5, 2009
God's Will
Sometimes...I jus feel that God is making a fool outta me. I feel good and bad at the same time. Last Sat, went to pray Grandma. Oh man! I miss her so much yet the feeling went numb. Jus be cos, I want to see her so much yet I know its the impossible. Nothing feels right for me whenever i miss grandma. Everything just flashback and i wish so much that time would stop at that moment of time. I feel totally regret how badly i treated her, or i should say i didnt really treasure her. Who knows..that god took her life so early.
Everytime I tried to forget all this memories, it jus stay deep inside my heart. I jus have to find a time and a place to bury all these memories. I love her, and I always will. Whatever I do, i know she stood by me. She gave me everything that i ever wanted. She looked after me like no one have ever does. She was beside me, when everyone stood away. This is how good my grandma is. I will never forget the feeling when I held ur hands walking u to the lift, find ur specs, give u fruits that i specially cut for u, tell mommy to bring u out to eat, dont allow u to sleep my bed.
Ah ma, I regret. Pls forgive me =)
Everytime I tried to forget all this memories, it jus stay deep inside my heart. I jus have to find a time and a place to bury all these memories. I love her, and I always will. Whatever I do, i know she stood by me. She gave me everything that i ever wanted. She looked after me like no one have ever does. She was beside me, when everyone stood away. This is how good my grandma is. I will never forget the feeling when I held ur hands walking u to the lift, find ur specs, give u fruits that i specially cut for u, tell mommy to bring u out to eat, dont allow u to sleep my bed.
Ah ma, I regret. Pls forgive me =)
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Dream
EVERYBODY! This is how the dream comes by:
There was a meeting at Uncle's house. Eveyone was there including grandma. She was sitting at her rocking chair. I could see how beautifully she wore, and I could see the make up on her face.
She was talking to everyone of us using her language. She says "How are you all? I miss you all so much. If possible this weekend come and visit me. When u all have arrive, pls call out for me so i know u all have come. For the adults jus bring food. I want to eat pa ming, and fa gao. Children bring fruits. Dont burn anymore things for me. Be cos i have too much." Than she disappear in my dream. All of this things jus happen so quickly.
Why mus she go so quickly. I mis you!
There was a meeting at Uncle's house. Eveyone was there including grandma. She was sitting at her rocking chair. I could see how beautifully she wore, and I could see the make up on her face.
She was talking to everyone of us using her language. She says "How are you all? I miss you all so much. If possible this weekend come and visit me. When u all have arrive, pls call out for me so i know u all have come. For the adults jus bring food. I want to eat pa ming, and fa gao. Children bring fruits. Dont burn anymore things for me. Be cos i have too much." Than she disappear in my dream. All of this things jus happen so quickly.
Why mus she go so quickly. I mis you!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Success
Sat wedding was a successful. Have lots of photo & FUN! But most of us cried when LQ's give her speech. Be cos we hated so much that grandma cant attend the wedding.
Started to stay at our new place be cos house is on reovation starting from today.
Dear Lord,
Pls bless the renovation is a success. Pls give our family wisdom and guide us through this tough jourey. Lord, I want to give my praise to u. Thank you Lord for guiding us through the last few months and even now. Bless us to hav a wonderful road ahead once the renovation is done.
Amen
Started to stay at our new place be cos house is on reovation starting from today.
Dear Lord,
Pls bless the renovation is a success. Pls give our family wisdom and guide us through this tough jourey. Lord, I want to give my praise to u. Thank you Lord for guiding us through the last few months and even now. Bless us to hav a wonderful road ahead once the renovation is done.
Amen
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Rest
Today I slept quite alot. Reason be cos Im sick. Had a bad flu, sore throat. George is also sick. Sore throat and flu. I think I ate too much durians that day. I finish it all by myself. Hohoho...!!
Tomo will be sifting house. Dad's will be bringing 2 of his workers tomo to our place to help us shift house. But the worst thing is, we will be shifting all the stuffs from East side to West side be cos my uncle's factory will be at TUAS!!! Wahahahah!!
Miss Grandma.
Tomo will be sifting house. Dad's will be bringing 2 of his workers tomo to our place to help us shift house. But the worst thing is, we will be shifting all the stuffs from East side to West side be cos my uncle's factory will be at TUAS!!! Wahahahah!!
Miss Grandma.
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