Unforgettable

Its been almost 6 days since my ah ma is gone. And its gonna be 1 year since my grandma was gone. I can barely breathe. I can never forget how both grandmas brought me up. I can never forget the scene that happens duing that 5 days. All the shits are running through my mind/heart. And it really really hurts so much, that I hope I wasnt in this world.

Oh my! How could we ever get this far? How could we settle down? I know my parents hurts so much more than the kids. I cant be that pillar that stand by them. I know how it hurts to lose a mother. I never wish that this kind of things would happen. I really hope both Grandmas is now with grandfather happily enjoying themselves.

Life is very fragile. Cherish them before they're gone.

I love grandmas.

The Past

Now that u're gone..what more can I do? It hurts so much. So much to know that u're suffering. You suffered more than 6 years. My heart sank totally. Though I have already prepared my heart, but that day when I receive my uncle's call I know that my heart is just deceiving me. I couldnt make it when we reach. She was gone on 16Jan 1:10am. Yesterday is her body was cremetated. Grandma is gone. Gone forever. She will not be back. She will not be back to remember who I am. I remember the time when I always went to visit you in Queenstown. I always buy your favourite food from the market below. I always buy fish porridge for you and laksa for myself. You will always look at the laksa I ate, I knew u wanted to eat. But you cant. For the past years, u stop eating. You shift to TUAS. I vist u lesser when each day pass. I couldnt buy ur favourite food, I couldnt hold u to the toilet. I couldnt tell u what the time was. I couldnt massage ur leg. I couldnt sit beside u and talk u. Life is always like a bitch.

2 blows in a year. Hell with life.
I hope both grandmas is doing well. Really well. I love you grandma.

Down

Both gone.. Life is shity. The tune keeps repeating in my mind. Everything keeps running through my mind. I dont know how to stop myself. I dont know how to stop the hurt. I dont know how to console my parents. I dont know how to keep our family going. I know all this hurts so badly.