Grandma..

Since like its yesterday since you're gone. If only I know what I know today. I would hold
you in my arms, I'll take away your pain. Thank you for all you've done. There's nothing
I can do, to hear your voice again. Sometimes, I want to call you, but I know you wouldnt
be there. Im sorry for everything that I've done, I blame myself. Its so hard to even say a
goodbye. Would you tell me I was wrong, are you proud to have me as one of your grand-
children? I will do anything just to have one more chance, to look into your eyes, and yours
into mine. If I could see you one more day, I will tell you how much I miss you since you
were gone. Your heart is always with me.

When you've to look away, when you dont have much to say,
Thats when I love you, I love you just that way.
To hear you stumble when you speak, to see you when you walk,
Thats when I love you, I love you endlessly.
When you're mad be cos we dont listen,
Thats when I love you, I love you anyway.
When you talk to us about the drama you love,
Thats when I love you, I love you more than you know.
The more I learnt, the more I lost, the more my heart cant give enough,
Thats when I love you, I love you no matter what.
When you turn to hide your eyes becos you know you cant make it far,
Thats when I love you, I love you a little more each time.

Grandma, I cant forget you, I miss you, and there's nothing you can change my mine.
I cant say goodbye to you. Be cos I want to see you more each day..

6th April, the day I will never forget at all.

Tomorrow will be 6th Jan 2010. And its the day grandma has been away for 9 months.
6 april, 4 days after my birthday, i receive a very bad present. A present that I will never forget and give away. She pass away on that very day. I want to know how my grandma would me. Will i be happy just to see her for 1 min? I dont think so. Im a very greedy person. I want to see her forever. 1 min is NEVER enough for me. Or should I say for us, the whole TAN family?

9 months..yet I remeber all the things clearly in my mind. Not a single thing missed!

Should I say Im very lucky? Be cos I have my parents with me, be cos I have him, be cos I have everyone to care for. I must always tell myself that grandma is no longer with us, we can no longer see her. She is with THE LORD. She is happy there. She is no longer suffering. She is with grandpa.

Drained..

This week has been a bitch week for me! I have 4 tests in a freaking week. And I can barely breath. Today is only wed, and I have 1 more paper to go on fri. How bitch can this be.
I merly slept only 5hrs each day. I dragged myself out to bed every morning. How I wish there is total of 32 hours in a day. 24 hours at night, and 8 hours in the morning. I have been studing like a mad dog, and sleeping like a pig. What can I say? Studying is really not my cup of tea!!

I couldnt wait for my sch 2 weeks break. Though is 2 weeks, but so what. I got to rest, and i couldnt ask for anything more.

I couldnt wait for this weekend, my family gathering, CHALET!! But what can I say, the following Monday I have a test AGAIN! I bad can studying be? Ask me! :)

Have shift back to my house. Things are still left undone. Rooms' cupboard, kitchen cupboard, feature wall, tv console. Shit you, Alan Leow! For such a slow work.

Mom sprain her back while shifting the stuffs back. Dear Lord, please bless mommy to recover faster. Please give her the wisdom to do all things successfully. I love you, dear mom!

4 more months is already a yr since grandma is gone. Its seems like yesterday. Those who had encounter this type of things should know. Its going to be 2010, a new yr without grandma. I must say that our 3 tan family is very brave. We held each other tight, console each other. We know that things have been better of us. Everyone's heart really have a place for grandma. I realise the feeling of missing grandma has become numb. Not in the way that I dont miss her but in a way that when I miss her, that very day will keep appearing in my mind. I rember that day, when its my turn to stroke grandma's forehead..I keep telling grandma "ah ma pls dont go. pls ah ma. give us miricle" I still ask sister to ask the doctor when wil grandma be awake when I know it wont. Ha! What a fool I am. But my words still fail, grandma still pass away. The lord has bring her to a wonderful place where we can no longer see her..

Be cos of you, I have been a whole. Thank you for standing by me. Thank you for enduring my temper =)